I feel so sad.

بنت إسمها ... ٢٢ أكتوبر ٢٠٢٠


-          I feel so sad.


n  I know.




-          No, you don’t know. I feel horrible.


n  I know.




-          I feel missing something that is very deep in me! I miss being loved too much! I miss feeling secured! I miss my identity! I miss someone! I miss MOM!!!


n  Honey, you can’t miss what you have never had!




-          No… stop repeating this… I can’t accept that I have never had this feelings, I do miss it all… I really miss it.


n  Believe me, it was never there, dear! Never!




-          Shut up! You are lying...


n  Do you remember when the last time you felt secured was?




-          No, I can’t remember. But, I’m sure that there was a time someday.


n  Honey, you can’t remember because it was never there. You have never felt secured… never… I am sorry! You don’t even know what this feeling really mean, you only know it’s opposite.




-          Why? Why are you killing all my hope? Why are you killing me? I will find it somewhere, I have to find it, I need it, I have just lost it, but it was somewhere… I will find “security” again… Stop! Stop killing my hope of finding it!


n  Stop trying to raise the dead! I am not killing your hope, this hope is already dead… it has been dying for months but we lost it completely last Saturday…. I am sorry.




-          Nooooooo! It is still alive… I still have hope to find “security” somewhere, I have just lost its place but I will find it again.


n  It is a fake hope that existed only in your imagination. Let it go.




-          You are scaring me! I can’t live without hope… Dad is still alive… why are you telling me that I have lost my hope? My hope was in dad.


n  You have just realized that dad couldn’t never make you feel secured, never! And that’s why your hope is dead. Let your dad go.




-          Please, help me! I have to get back my hope… it’s very important for me… I can’t… I can’t live without my hope of being secured someday from someone…


n  I know how painful is to live without this kind of hope, but believe me, you can live without it. This pain and suffer will not last forever.




-          Yes, it will only last for my whole life time!!!


n  Honey, this is not forever...




-          I don’t want security now, I just want my hope of living this secured life someday… I just want my hope.


n  You don’t want to live a lie…




-          But I miss this feelings a lot... I miss my dad’s hugs… I miss my mom’s love… I miss being the most important thing in their lives… I had a hope that I have lived this life once… I miss my hope…


n  You have to accept that this kind of life was never yours…


-          But, I miss it!!


n  So miss it…


-          But, I need it!!


n  So need it…


Cry over and over for not having it every time you think about it. Then drop it… let it go…


You are just afraid to let go the last bits of this fake hope because then you will be really alone… alone with this aching needs. And I know that you are scared to death of what will happen if you are really alone, and I know that you are afraid of being in need. But, here is all what you should do my dear, feel alone and be in need….